ABC Day 8

Today was another school day, so I didn't feel the need to be tempted by food..

So far i've consumed:

1x shredded wheat (76kcal) <= seem to have one of these like everyday XD
1x bag worchester sauce crisps (130kcal)

MY MUM MADE ME EAT PIZZA :O

but instead of arguing, I ate a slice then purged it up (not nice at ALL :/)

Right, i'm going to start a sort of weight loss diary..i'll write my weight down and how much i've gained/lost and my next goal, and if i've achieved them.

I currently weigh 7st 2lbs..
At the start of the ABC Diet I weighed 7st 5lbs..
I lost 4 1/4lbs but put on 1 1/4 so I just count the weight loss as 3lbs..

Tell me what you think?

JessiiJinx <33

ABC Day 7

Today I had:

2x shredded wheat (153kcal)
1x bag worchester sauce crisps (135kcal)
2x mini oreos (20kcal)

Not great but not too bad..

Primark opened in Chester yesterday so I visited and bought some clothes:

1x bodycon black dress with peach lace sweetheart neckline (love it ^^)
1x silver dress with black spots, black bow and heart cut out of the back (love ^^)
1x white dress with navy bird print (woop birds :D)
1x grey and white stipy long top/dress LoL

I still feel extremely uncomfortable wearing them though, so once i've lost weight, I can't wait to wear them..
I also found a really cute grey top with sorta pop art Hello Kitty's on the front (HK = <3 ^^) so I wanna get it sooo badly..

JessiiJinx <33

ABC Day 6

Right, so today I had 2x shredded wheat (153kcal) for breakfast, and 8 fries (100kcal) for dinner. Not too bad considering I had an RE exam and all I could think about all through it was FOOD..but I resisted exept the few chips..

Jessii Jinx

ABC Day 5

Okay, so after yesterday's binge of skittles, I had a fasting day, so didn't consume any kcals at all, so hopefully I can still shift the pounds beofre Prom :)

Jessii Jinx <33

ABC Day 4

Eugh. I managed to stay under 200kcal all day, but my family took me out to watch Iron Man 2 at the cinema and I had a whole bag of skittles and couldn't even purge them up :/
So I failed this day tbh..

Jessii Jinx <33

Day 3 ABC Diet (300kcal)

Okay, So Day 3 ABC has gone better than planned. My grandparents came over today with loads of sweets, cakes, biscuits etc for me and my younger brother, and I RESISTED! i'm soo happy :)
I ended up eating 1x minature oreo at not even 10kcal! (the ones in the tubs LoL)
For breakfast I had 1x shredded wheat (no milk) at 76.5kcal, and a small low fat homemade latte at 46kcal, so in total that makes 132.5 kcal!
i still have 67.5kcal left to use up, so i might have a small green apple at 45kcal, and two more minature oreos at 20kcal, or the apple and a small jello at 10kcal :)

JessiiJinx <3

Day 2 of ABC (Ana Boot Camp) Diet

Okay, so Day 1 completed, i got ready for Day 2 (500kcal or less). I started off brilliantly, only consuming 1x shredded wheat, no milk at 76.5kcal. I burned off around 300kcal in PE, and still resisted the kcals at dinner.
As soon as I returned home from school however, my mom forced me to eat some chilli pasta :/
I ate it, then purged it up, with the help of a few tips from an Ana facebook friend :)
So even though the pasta was high kcal, i purged it all up, so i still managed to stay under my goal of 500kcal or less.
Jessii Jinx <33

Ana and Mia.

I feel that Ana and Mia are fighting over who can be the best friend to me.
I've been Ana for almost 18 months, but since New Year, Mia and I have had a wonderful friendship, making Ana jealous. Now i can't just starve or purge, I have to do both. I don't know who is my best friend now, it's so confusing. I need a new friend, recovery. I don't want to get better, but if i start to recover, maybe Ana and Mia will settle their differences and stop fighting over me. I still want to be skinny, and wil do anything to achieve it, I just need to know that i'm not alone, that Ana or Mia will help me through the journey to become thin.
Jessii Jinx <3

Wants to be Mary-Kate, Perfect weight 88, She's never good enough..

Woahh..i haven't wrote for ages :/
Well my parents had been harping on at me to gain weight, threatening me with a visit to the doctors..
I gained sooooo much weight over Christmas, New Year etc, so i guess I felt embarrassed to write how i've been doing, since it's not been good at all.

I've just found out i've got the college course I wanted (Modelling + Promotions), so it's an excuse for me to lose even more weight :)
My mum absolutely hates the fact i'm starting the course this September, she thinks i'm going to become seriously ill from losing weight :/

I have yet another school concert (two weeks time) so i'm singing Use Somebody - Paramore version, Don't Stop Believeing - Glee version, and i'm also part of a dance to Thriller - Micheal Jackson...should be fun :)

I've nearly finished making my dress, and it fits, but i want to lose even more weight so that it can be taken in even more, making me look skinnier to everyone else :] It looks soooo awesome at the moment :D

I'm back now anyway, so i'll be writing more posts for sure :)

JessiiJinx <33

..And the stress that we were under wasn't stress at all.

Exams are finally over until June/July now. The title is from "These Streets" by Paolo Nutini and sums up how I feel about exam stress Lol.
I haven't wrote for a while because i've been busy "revising" haha it didn't do much help though Lol.
I've had a really bad day for eating. I've eaten so much junk. Here is exactly what i've eaten so far:

Small bowl cereal - 120kcal
Walkers crisps(!) - 126kcal i think
KitKat(!) - 107kcal
Spaghetti Bolognese - approx 400kcal per serving
Birthday cake(!) - approx 300kcal
Total: 946kcal approx.

I haven't been able to purge either today, as i've been busy helping my neighbours do some chores Lol.

Not much more to say right now exept i'm so angry at myself for lettingmy guard down when it comes to watching what I eat. Not anymore. I'm going to keep a much more careful eye on what goes in my stomach from now on.

JessiiJinx<3

She's All Over The Place..

Okay I chose the title party because i'm listening to Avril Lavigne's "Nobody's Home" right now, and partly because it pretty much sums up how I feel right now. I'm all over the place. Dealing with the feelings of hunger, guilt, frustration, anger and self-hatred from ana are hard. Lashing out at everyone I love because of them are harder.

I feel like i've fallen out with the world today. I've fallen out with my parents over food, coming back home late, arguing etc. I've fallen out with a best freind, lets call her Lucy, over nothing. I had had to blame it on exam stress. I had an argument with another friend, lets call him Connor, over my smoking. He thinks it's stupid, and I agree to a certain extent. I only do it because smoking on an empty stomach makes you lose weight quickly. They can't know the truth. I'll continue hiding behind this mask until i'm thin and happy again.

I feel like I can't cope at times. I'm getting fatter and fatter everytime I look in the mirror. I can't even stand it when people hug me because i'm afraid they'll see the real me. A fat, hideous monster. I want to pysically rip the fat away from my body until I can see my precious ribs again. I purge food because I don't want the vile calories to taint my body, to make it fat. I believe fat is ugly, thin is beautiful.

I've been reading a few Pro-ana blogs and they help to keep me motivated. I read them and they help. Even when I feel sick and dizzy because I haven't eaten in days, i'll read them and I force myself to carry on until someone makes me eat. I want to say thankyou to all the bloggers who have helped me to actually acheive some control over my disgusting body. Even if you never read this, I wan't to say you're all amazing, keep up the good work.

I know some people may think i'm a wannabe pro-anorexic, but the truth is anorexia's not an illness, it's a lifestyle choice, and I choose to live like that. Striving to become thin. Wishing to be free of this self-hatred everytime I see my reflection. I will be thin if it's the last thing I do. I'll become thin, or die trying.

JessiiJinx <3